Rays of Hope
by Random Me
Summary: In fairy tales everyone gets a happy ending.Although her life is bad she sees it diferently. She doesn't wish for a happy ending, will she be able to get hers anyway?
1. Moveing On

**Moving On**

She lay on the cold stone floor. She couldn't think. She would be strong, that's the way they would have wanted it. That was the only way. She felt the tears come and she gave in to them. Anyone who had gone through what she had gone through these last few days would have done the same. She didn't know how long she lay there crying. A long time. She didn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore. A bell rang on the wall. She looked around the room for the first time. It was quite large, bigger than her room back at the castle. At thought of the castle she felt the tears well up again. She thought of fighting them down but chose self pity instead. She walked over to the bed in the corner. It was the only piece of furniture in the room. It wasn't a small bed. It was slightly worn and quite old but all the same had obviously once stood grand and beautiful. It was a lot nicer than anything they had had in the castle, not that you could compare. The castle… it wasn't really a castle, her house, it wasn't really a real one. It was a small house on a farm surrounded by wild fields. Her father would call it their castle. her castle. it was gone now… all gone. It seemed like it had been ages ago, that afternoon when she had seen it. In ruins… she had run home from one of the fields. She had liked running in the fields. She had run home, only to find a pile of bricks where it had once been. She had been devastated. Her home, her home. It hadn't been big or grand or anything special, but it had been hers. Hers and her brother's. her parents had died when she had been only seven. Her brother had been eleven. Their aunt moved in with them for three years before she too left. They had lived by themselves ever since. But then that day…

'No.' she cut her thoughts. 'I must not think like that.' She realized how much she had changed since that afternoon. 'No. I haven't changed, it was just the shock. I WILL be myself again now.'

She sat up. It was still to fresh a pain to forget. She knew she would never forget. She still remembered the day her parents had… had gone. They had never completely left her. Never died within her. She had been seven. She considered herself lucky. Seven years with them. She had been only seven when they died, but they had left her with such sweet memories. She considered herself lucky because seven years was better than none, and because seven years with her parents were better than an eternity with someone else's, but mostly she considered herself lucky because she knew that her parents would forever be with her and they would be perfect. She knew that if they would have been alive even three years longer, she would have started arguing with them like Edmund. Then, when they would die, because everyone must die some day, she would remember not only their good side, she would have bad memories too. She couldn't have managed that way. Her parent were like a force of good whenever she needed a comfort. It would have been so much harder to survive life without such a true and pure force.

But Edmund, why did he go too? She had been devastated when she had seen the castle in ruins. Her fathers castle. she had been so devastated that she had sat on the path for almost an hour before she noticed Edmund lying among the ruins. Edmund had joined her parents. 'Yes, that's it,' she thought, Edmund could never get over things like her, he wasn't happy with his life. He tried to hide it but she could tell. He was too good, too kind to deserve that. 'Yes' she assured herself 'Edmund has gone to a better world where he can be happy like he deserves to be.' She was happy for him. She tried a smile but it wouldn't come. She was still too tired. She had sat by the ruines for four days after she had first seen them. Something within her had made her drink. On the second day one of Edmund's friends came by. When he saw what had happened he seemed shocked. He sat down on the floor until he noticed her. It had taken him a long time. He gave her a long look before coming over and handing her a pastry, then leaving. She had looked at it for some time before taking a nibble. She barely tasted it before lying down on the floor and falling asleep. When she awoke it was still there but she had ignored it.

That afternoon the friend came back, this time with two others. Together they carried Edmund away. She hadn't done anything. Again he gave her a pastry and this time he had watched her take the first bite.

On the forth day he had come and taken her to his carriage. She didn't resist. She didn't care. They had ridden into the town and stopped by one of the larger houses. She had been into the town only once before with her parents. He had taken her out and started talking to a man by the door. He then handed her to the man who in return gave him a small bag and had walked her up to this room.

Again her thoughts flew to Edmund, but this time he was not lying in the ruins, this time he was chasing her through an overgrown field. Again she tried for a smile. She managed a small and obviously fake one, but still, it was a start.


	2. Reassessing

**Reassessing**

She sat on the bed thinking over her new situation. Judging by the light coming from the window it was almost dawn. The bell would ring soon and she'd have to get up and face the world. The world had always been so kind to her, she could do it.

The evening before she had been broken. She had been mourning the life she had lost, but now she had moved on. This was something she had always been good at. The Lady had come up to her room and explained the situation to her. She was now their slave. There were three other servants in the estate. Firstly, their was the Lady's maid who slept by the Lord and Lady's quarters, she would not see much of her. Their were the cook and her helper as well, whom she was to help in her spare time. They slept on the ground floor by the kitchen. As well as them there where guards coachmen and governors and they all slept in the servant's wing. As there was no room left there and it was to far from the house for her they had put together this room for her, she would be the only one to sleep up here in the meantime.

The lord and Lady had two children. The older was a seventeen year old boy and the younger was a girl aged thirteen. It was to be her job to serve and look after the children. She was surprised to hear this, as she was not yet fifteen herself, how could she serve children her age?

She was to get up at dawn when the bell rang and be in the kitchen within ten minutes ready to receive chores. She would help around until the servants bell rang, one ring and she was to present herself at the boy's room, a double ring and she was to head to the girl's room. As well as the one in her room there was a bell in the kitchen and the ring could be heard from around the house. She would then serve them until dismissed, when she would return to the kitchen and eat, then help until again called upon. When their lessons ended she was to stay with them unless told otherwise. If both called, she was to give priority to the brother's orders as he was the more responsible. She was to see to their rooms being tidy at all times and do exactly as they directed her.

As she waited for the bell to ring announcing the beginning of her first day of this new life, again she felt grateful. She was not grateful to someone specific, it was rather an overwhelming sense of thankfulness for everything, for life. She knew now, more than ever, that her life was a path paved with blessings. Every time life seemed to be going the wrong way, something steered it back onto the right path. After her parents died their aunt had come to help them. When their aunt left Edmund had helped her and they had managed, and now, Edmunds friend had saved her, him with the Lord and Lady. Instead of leaving her there to die he had found her a place to live. For a brief moment she thought of the beautiful children's home her parents had told her was the town's pride but she immediately pushed that thought away assuring herself that it was probably for her own good that he had taken her here. She never thought it may have been for his own good that he sold her. Maybe the orphanage was no longer what it used to be. When she heard the bell ring on the wall she wanted to sing along with praise to the world but did not want any of her rescuers to be awoken. She hastily put on a dress the lady had given her and ran up to the kitchen.

It was not until she found the kitchen that she felt lost. Upon seeing the cook standing by the sink she realized how strange this situation was. They hadn't had a cook since her parents had died and she suddenly felt out of place. This whole situation was wrong. No, different, she corrected herself fiercely. The cook looked to be a kind and motherly figure, but upon seeing the new arrival displayed no such emotions. 'Ah, finally some more help around here.' Not knowing what to say she mumbled something and looked around the room. It was then that she noticed someone else laying the table in the adjoined dining room. 'Hi, I'm Sarilma. What's your name?' Again she did not know how to respond to Sarilma's question. Her name was… It was special. It was a present from her parents, it was her family's, she couldn't just tell anyone new her name. Once she wouldn't have thought twice, but now, now that her family were gone it was a part of her that belonged with them. Finally she decided that she would just have to find a new name. 'I'm… I'm not sure.' She waited to see what the response to this would be. 'Well then, tell us when you decide.' Said the cook, shrugging it off and mumbling under her breath about strange things. 'Could you wash the floor in the hall before they wake up?' Sarilma showed her where everything was and started her off. It was as she was finishing that the bell in the kitchen rang, a double ring. 'I'll just finish here and then go see what she wants' she told Sarilma. 'No, no, go right away and I'll just have to finish off this time.'

She headed up to the second floor and searched for the room Sarilma had described. The cook and Sarilma were nice enough, but not in a friendly way. They would always see her as their inferior. She arrived by the door and knocked gently. She was answered by a shrill voice with a loud 'enter'. She quietly walked into the room. It was a big room with three other doors leading off. At the back of the room, on a raised platform, stood a large round bed with white hangings draped around. There was a large window with a view to the woods. She was so overwhelmed by her surroundings she didn't spare a glance to the figure sitting on the bed until she spoke. 'Hello, you must be our new slave. I am Marliana. I've never had a slave before so I'm not sure what to do really. What do I call you?' Whatever se had expected, it was not this. It took her a moment to decide if she should answer, and another to try think up an appropriate reply. 'I… I don't really know either.' The truth is she was so confused she didn't think she knew anything. What should she call Marliana? How should she act? What should she say? She decided to let Marliana decide all of that, she would just follow her lead and do what expected. When Marliana said nothing she decided to help things along a bit. 'You called?' She asked. She said it quietly and with a shaky voice, was she allowed to talk without being addressed first? But if Marliana noticed she didn't say anything which led her to believe that she could. 'Oh, yes. Would you bring up my breakfast please? The cook knows what.' She left the room without responding and soon came up with a tray the cook had handed her. She presented it to Marliana just as she heard a faint ring of the bell, probably coming from her room. 'Excuse me, I must go see what your brother wants.' She told Marliana.

She found the boy's room without too much trouble. Again she knocked and this time it was a stronger voice with more authority that commanded her to approach. She walked in and decided to use the same tactic she had with his sister. 'You called?' Though the question was the same, the reply could not have been less similar. 'As it is your first day I will let it pass but from now on you are to show more respect. You are a mere slave and would do well to remember it. You are to address me in a respectful manner and not in a casual way. You are to call me Sir always and your replies will include it. It will always be "yes, Sir" or "no, Sir". When called you will ask "May I help you, Sir." You will not ask for reasons and are never contradict me. I trust you are not to dim to catch the drift?' She was not stupid. 'Yes, Sir.' 'Good,' he said. 'Now bring up my breakfast.' 'Yes, sir. Right away, Sir.' 'You are good at this' he sneered as she turned to leave. 'One more thing, you are to curtsey upon entering and leaving.' 'Yes, Sir'.

She brought up the boys breakfast and helped Marliana dress. When the governesses arrived she was interested and planed to listen to some of their lessons. She had never had a real education herself. When she had been four her parents had started teaching her about animals and plants and as she grew older she was taught more about the world but none of it was in a formal way. She was to start her real education at the age of seven but when her parents had died her aunt needed her help at home. At the age of ten her aunt left but Edmund then needed even more help and the only thing she learnt in those years was field work. She never got a chance to find out what their lessons were like as she was called away to ready the fireplaces for the winter the moment the governesses arrived. She had finished only the fireplace in the hall when she had to go clean the children's quarters. She discovered that each of the rooms had an attached changing room and bathroom as well as a shared lounge area. When the lessons were over she was sent on little errands to bring food or paper. Marliana was extremely disappointed when informed that she would be doing her own writing but when she complained to her brother that 'The slave can't write' he found it highly amusing. 'completely illiterate, are you?' 'Yes, Sir.' They had taken to referring to her as the slave, something she wasn't fond of but figured she'd get used to. It didn't take her long to discover that the boy's name was Markari but she didn't think it wise to use this new found information. When Marliana saw the way she addressed Markari she informed her that she expected the same treatment as her brother. 'You can call me Lady and answer "yes, my Lady" and anything else he told you to do as well.' In the evening she helped Marliana undress and stayed up cleaning the house on Sarilma's orders until well after midnight when she ate and climbed up to sleep, barely dusting the soot of her new dress.

Looking back on her first day again she felt like the luckiest girl. No one treated her really badly, she had a place to sleep, food to eat and clothes to wear which was more than she would have expected under her circumstances. It would take her a long time to realize what was missing in her new life.


	3. Scars of the Past

**Scars Of The Past**

The next few days passed in much the same fashion. All an outsider would notice was another soot covered servant quietly going around her business. It was true that she was covered in ashes from the fireplaces she was still preparing for the upcoming winter and she had adopted a meek and silent manner but inside she felt elevated. Life was continuing and again she had been pulled out of the dangerous waters onto a safe lifeboat.

It was not until the fourth day that she received the first blow to her newly found confidence in life. She was quietly moping the floor when the bell rang, calling her to Markari's room. She entered and asked 'You called, Sir?' along with a graceful curtsey. 'Yes,' he replied briskly. 'I am having some friends around later and you are not to make any trouble, we will be here in the lounge, understood?' She did not understand why he was warning her, she had been nothing but obedient since her arrival and never once caused any trouble intentionally. 'yes, Sir.' She was wondering if he would elaborate and maybe give an explanation to the command but all he did was dismiss her.

For the rest of the day she worked in the library. She didn't take much notice of the friends she heard arrive in the afternoon and had just fallen into the fireplace when the bell rang. She dusted herself down as best she could and hurried upstairs. From the lounge she could hear voices. 'Really!' 'I don't believe you.' 'When did you say she came?'. She stayed outside a little longer listening and realized that they where talking about her. Well aware that she was being showed off she stepped into the room with her head bowed low and gave a curtsey. 'You called, Sir?'. Around her people burst out laughing but Markari was as serious as ever. 'Yes, I did. Please open the window?' She walked over to the other side of the room. There where seven boys Markari's age sitting there, all laughing at her as well as Marliana sitting around the room. She wanted to leave the room as quickly as possible. She opened the window without complaining and returned to Markari. 'Anything else, Sir?' she asked quietly. 'Yes. Bring us up some food.' She curtsied and turned to leave but just as she approached the door she tripped over an outstretched foot and fell to the floor ripping her dress. This caused a new burst of laughter from around the room which quickly died away when they looked down at her. 'Kings and knives! What's that!' someone called. 'I don't know.' Replied Markari. Everyone had something to say but she heard no more. How could this happen. Picking herself up she ran from the room almost tripping again. How could this be happening. She started running.

She could not make herself leave the estate even in such a state of shock. Instead she ran down to her room and sat on the bed silently sobbing. It took her a long time to calm down enough to reason with herself. It wasn't that bad really. She tried to imagine what she would have thought of herself in their situation. She tried to look at her back and see exactly what had happened. As she had thought, her dress had a large rip down the back revealing a series of ghastly scars. She had managed to hide these scars from Edmund for three years, why had they found them here after barely three days? She told herself over and over that it didn't matter anymore. She had had to hide them from Edmund, but now it didn't matter. It was over. Still she had the sinking feeling of failure.

It had started when she had been eleven. When their aunt had left her and Edmund to live alone a year earlier, her best friend had been forbidden to see her. Apparently they were 'wild' now. It was this same reason that made Edmund's friends come even more. Although she knew this was good she had always hated their visits. They would come and sit round in the old drawing room talking and laughing, always making fun of her whenever they could. They would bring meat and grain and tools when they needed it. She knew that they couldn't afford to lose Edmund's friends and Edmund often told her that that was the only reason he invited them. She knew that wasn't entirely true but knew also that if they could have managed without their help Edmund would have given up his friends company for her sake. That was why she had had to hide it from him, he would make them leave for sure if he found out and they couldn't manage without their help.

Two weeks after her eleventh birthday a royal messenger had come from the palace to recruit Edmund on an Ogre Scour. This was entirely normal, her Father had gone on these too and had always been back within a week. It was two days after Edmund left that one of his friends, Hatfor had come to visit. He had walked in to her room where she had been peacefully drawing in a manner that suggested he owned the place and demanded to know where Edmund was. She was shocked by his appearance and shouted at him to get out. That had been her biggest mistake. Ever. She received a strong blow that threw her to the floor. This was followed by several others across her back. When he finally left she couldn't move. She climbed into her bed and didn't get out all day. By that time she realized that she couldn't let Edmund find out. From that day on Hatfor would often come to visit when he knew Edmund was out. He was often accompanied by two other friends. They would march into her room and pretend to be nice. 'How was your day?' they would ask, and when she answered they would throw her to the floor for speaking to them, and when she didn't for being rude. They would laugh at her and beat her over and over until she felt she could no longer breath. They would throw her around and make fun of her, threaten her and strike her. Often she would start bleeding, something that only encouraged them farther.

Once a different friend came and saw them sitting there, occasionally kicking her bleeding form lying on the floor, unable to get up. He took one look and left the room, not saying anything.

Finally she got up from her bed and went to finish the fireplace in the library, not bothering to bring Markari the food. She knew she would pay later and was surprised when Markari completely ignored the incident.


End file.
